I've got a bone to pick with that T.V. show The Biggest Loser. They were in Salt Lake City the other day and you had to be over 80 lbs in order to audition. I have 40 unsightly pounds of gross lady fat I'm carrying around and so I couldn't even show my face at the long large line of hugeitude.
I realize that if one were 80 pounds or more overweight, you really need the intervention that The Biggest Loser can offer you if you're among the chosen ones. Basically, if one is that overweight (America) it's a health risk. A big ass health risk.
That said, according to my best doctor on the planet, my 40 pounds is a huge health risk too. Basically, by toting around the equivilent of one of those ginormous bags of dog (or cat) food, I'm shaving off my golden years of my eighties or nineties. Well, shit.
Last Ditch Weight Loss
So, according to this chart, today I'm supposed to do all that activity on Saturday.
Valid Excuses To Avoid These Sadistic Activities
But my brain is making these excuses, in an obnoxious whiny voice one wouldn't expect to hear coming from a 56 year old. I must be channeling my inner 4 year old. Goes like this:
- My knee hurts
- My hip hurts
- What the hell is a "bird dog"
- I just ate
- I'm about to eat
- I have to pay these bills first
- I need to clean up first
- Don't forget the laundry
Well, I could go on and on.
Valid Reasons To Put My Big Girl Panties On & Just Do It
Alright, I'll stop being a whiny little bitch and focus on the reasons I should subject my joints to these applications of exercise. Here goes:
- I hate being fat
- I don't recognize myself in mirrors, windows or photographs
- I want to live long enough to experience my daughter paying all of her own expenses
- I want to live long enough to be a badass grandma.
- I have to many projects to finish that involve trekking around in the hills and dales
You get the idea. Mainly, it would upset my darling daughter way too much if I shuffle off the mortal coil anytime before I'm a truly dottering old piece of baggery and no fun to hang out with anymore.
Sure, I'll keep you updated on the progress. I will not confess how fat I am (fat). I will tell you I want to lose 40 fekkin' pounds. Stay tuned.